It was our last day before leaving Italy and I stood anxiously waiting in front of our favorite bistro. Lex and I had decided to have a nice going away dinner with a few friends. After being in Italy for so long, it was starting to feel like home and I wished I could stay for eternity. But I couldn't. I needed to get back to the States in order to start my new column for JANE Magazine and Lex had a new gig as the photographer for Heather's world tour. We loved Italy but the working world beckoned and we had no choice but to answer the call.
I twisted and turned in every direction and still didn't see Lex. I sat on a bench, lit a clove and let my mind wander. It didn't seem real that not only had I broken up with Jordan but we'd both moved on so quickly. The aftershocks of our hostile encounter still shook me to the core. I couldn't comprehend how a person who loved me so deeply could cause so much pain and devastation. I shook my hand and struggled to control my emotions but a few tears still managed to break free. Caught up in my flood of emotions, I didn't see Lex as she turned the corner but I felt her lips on my cheek when she greeted me. She immediately noticed my gloomy mood and kissed my tears away.
Wrapping her jacket around my shoulders, Lex cradled my face and asked, "Baby, are you ok?” I stared into her eyes and saw nothing but sincerity and concern. Lex had done everything in her power to make me happy and yet my heart still held onto Jordan's memory. I tried to quiet my inner fears. I kissed Lex and assured her that nothing had bothered me. She began to ask questions about my tears but I smiled and rushed her into the restaurant.
We sat at a large table surrounded by a group of our new friends and once again I felt sorry to be leaving. I truly enjoyed being in the company of intelligent and well-read Black people and their sexual orientations just added to my delight. We sat for hours and laughed as they recalled various memories of my struggles to adjust to Italian life. But as the night went on and the wine kept coming, my previous sadness returned. Every time Lex nuzzled my ear or bent to kiss my shoulder, I felt a twinge of guilt inside and I didn't understand why. What did I have to feel guilty about? Jordan had left me for no real reason and humiliated me. I didn't owe her shit. At first Lex didn't notice the change in my mood but soon her face looked both puzzled and disgusted. We both liked to have a good time but Lex believed in moderation and I believed in getting smashed. So my excessive drunkenness both worried and annoyed her. However, the rest of our guests didn't seem to notice. In fact, they enjoyed my mischievous antics, giggling as I called for body shots and looking amazed as I danced barefoot. Normally, Lex view my seductive dance as evidence of my free-spirit and natural sex appeal. But I think my dress rose a little too high or I staggered a little too much because one minute I was dancing with a very attractive salsa performer who reminded me of Mya and the next minute Lex pulled me out of the restaurant.
I stumbled a bit as she forcibly pushed me out into the road and shouted, "What the fuck is wrong with you Jai?!"
I forced myself to regain my composure and glared at her as I said, "There's nothing wrong with me. What the fuck is your problem? Don't you ever push me!"
"My problem is that you're drunk as hell and you're falling all over the damn place. You're embarrassing yourself and you're embarrassing me so get your shit together."
Lex walked back into the restaurant, leaving me outside. I couldn't handle going back inside and looking at the people who had been gawking at my antics. I slowly walked back to the house. The stars twinkled beautifully in the sky and I allowed my mind to drift to a distant memory of star-gazing with Jordan. I smiled as I remembered sitting on a blanket on their roof and staring gleefully into the telescope. I shook my head and tried to erase the memory. I couldn't continue to live in the past and risk ruining a potential future with Lex. When I reached my home, I took a hot shower and drank a strong cup of coffee to sober myself up. A glance at the clock revealed that it was about 3 AM. I knew that Lex's security would let me into her villa but I also knew that I didn't want to see her while she remained upset. I was sorry but I wasn't in the mood for a long ass argument. Instead, I made a few quick calls to make some arrangements for a nice morning surprise.
I didn't sleep peacefully that night. Lex didn't come over after she left the restaurant, breaking our habit of always falling asleep in each other's arms. However, I knew she would be pleased after my surprise and I didn't let the previous night bother me too much.
I drove to her house around 7 in the morning and used my key to enter. I peeked into Lex's room and found her sprawled across the bed. I giggled as I watched her kick and stir in her sleep, snoring quietly. I went directly to the kitchen and promptly gave her cook the day off. The ingredients that I ordered were neatly stacked on the kitchen's center island. I hurried around the kitchen, singing along with Aretha Franklin's voice on the small radio and waving to the delivery people as they hustled to and fro. I quickly chopped the asparagus, spinach and tomatoes for the omelet and pan-seared the scallops. The assistants tiptoed around the house quietly, arranging the dozens of yellow roses that I ordered. A trail of yellow roses and sea shells lead from Lex's bedroom to the veranda. My excitement overwhelmed me and I yearned to see her reaction. I wanted everything to be a total surprise but I also had very little patience. It took everything inside of me to resist waking her up but I fought the urge.
I was standing on the balcony smoking when Lex woke up. Still rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she walked cluelessly onto the balcony and stopped in her tracks when she saw the flowers. But more importantly, she noticed the food. Any anger or resentment disappeared as she placed kisses all over my face. Lex ate in silence but flashed me smiles with every bite she took. I playfully snatched her fork, ignoring her protests as I walked over to straddle her. She gently held my hips as I fed her and I kissed the corners of her mouth while she chewed.
When the last bite was finally gone, Lex wrapped her arms around me and squeezed hard.
"Damn baby. That shit was goooood! When you're sorry, you damn sure know how to show it".
I placed kisses all over her face and took my time enjoying her neck. My temperature rose as I felt her body wither under mine. Lex had such a hard exterior and I enjoyed watching her lose control because of my touch.
I licked her ear and whispered softly, "So does that mean you're not mad anymore?"
We kissed passionately and began disrobing. Our clothes left a trail behind us as we headed towards the bedroom. I eagerly followed but became distracted by the sound of my ringing phone. I tried to block it out but it continued to ring. Lex pouted when I ran out of the room to get it and shouted for me to hurry back. I cursed out loud as I waited for my voicemail to play the message from the last caller, whose number showed up as unavailable. My jaw and my phone dropped when the message played and I quickly picked it up in order to listen again.
"You have 1 new message.
Umm, hey Jaisun. I know I probably shouldn't even be calling but I don't know what else to do. I miss you. I miss you so much. I was so wrong to treat you like that. I just didn't know how to deal with my pride. It was so bruised. Just please call me back baby. I love you. We belong together. Oh yeah, it’s me...Jordan."
To Be Continued...
© Copyright 2009 Essence M.
Monday, May 11, 2009
The Way You Love Me Pt. 15
I dipped my fingers into the jar of beeswax and caressed another lock of Lex's beautiful golden strands. Her head lay peacefully in my lap, cradled in the caramel valley created by my bare thighs. She sighed deeply as I twisted her hair. I bent over and kissed the tip of her earlobe. I nuzzled the side of her neck with my nose and enjoyed the sound of her laughter as she giggled.
Lex and I were still in Europe and had been in Italy for about six weeks. We'd been having so much fun that we decided to extend our stay until the end of the travel season. We found ourselves enveloped in the same leisure society enjoyed by the American ex-patriates of the 1930s. But instead of James Baldwin and Josephine Baker, we were surrounded by dozens of successful black same gender loving people. Lex and I enjoyed lounging on the beach for hours and staggering out of jazz clubs at dawn. We went to lunch at noon and stayed until the sky turned orange in the evening. It seemed as if I'd once again found someone to enjoy the excitement of life with. But I didn't want to move too soon. Although we were spending massive amounts of time together, Lex and I still lived in seperate villas. We even agreed on having the freedom to date other people. But we didn't. The option was just there. We traveled all over Europe. Though it was not the first time trip to the other side of the ocean for either one of us, we enjoyed the excitement of exploring together. Every day held a new adventure for us, an opportunity for us to grow closer together and as individuals. We visited the ruins of ancient Athens. Viewed the Roman Coliseum. Spent long weekends in London and Paris. Just partying and making love. We got stoned out of our minds for two weeks in Amsterdam. We woke up in the morning with no particular plan other than to enjoy each other's company. I enjoyed waking up to her face in the morning and being the first person that she saw when she opened her eyes. With Lex I didn't feel the same weight that I felt from Jordan's overbearing nature. Lex appreciated my free-spirited nature and encouraged me to embrace my creativity beyond the pen. She taught me how to play the guitar. Sat behind me, postioning my arms and fingers as I nervously strummed the strings and kissed my fingertips when I messed up. Lex and I painted together. I'd cover myself in body paint and Lex would shoot me in garden or by the pool. It was funny and sexy and wild and sensual and I was enjoying every second.
After I finished Lex's hair, we went down to the market. The bright, rich colors of the foods entertained my eyes and caused my stomach to rumble. As usual, we were eating dinner at my house. Lex loved food but couldn't cook to save her life. The woman had every local bistro on her phone's speed dial. When I got comfortable with her presence in my life, I started cooking small meals every now and then. Then I began cooking at every meal, taking advantage of the fresh foods and exotic spices. Lex praised my cooking at every chance. She once told me that every meal excited her and filled her with anticipation because she never knew what I would create in the kitchen. It amazed her that my creativity spread to every possible part of my life, even my cooking. I cooked a meal of broiled scallops adorned with cherry tomatoes, fresh spinach and pasta in a garlic butter sauce. We stole bites of food off each other's plates, kissed the spots where food had strayed from the other's mouth. As a reward for cooking, Lex washed the dishes as I sat on a stool, reading from Nikki Giovanni's 'Love Poems'. We enjoyed a glass of wine and passed a joint between us on the verdana as we discussed Giovanni's words. As the sun faded into the horizon, it dawned on us that the night had yet to even begin. I delicately placed a Nina Simone record on the old phonography I'd bartered from a local woman in exchange for a beautiful turquiose ring. The woman had admired my ring as I scanned my eyes over her cart of beautiful handmade tapestries. She said she reminded her of her long deceased mother, a Cherokee. Our eyes connected in a moment of shared longing and I had slipped the ring off of my ring, placing it gently into her palm. The woman argued with me repeatedly shouting, "No, non posso prendere il vostro bello anello". I shrugged off the frustration caused by her refusal and instead offered to trade. She thrust an elegant cloth in my face and motioned for me to accept it as payment. I knew that she'd worked tirelessly on the tapesteries that she used to earn her living and couldn't imagine taking one without paying. Instead, I peeked in the corner and saw a small record player with a stack of Nina Simone records sitting neatly beside it. When I returned home that day, Lex laughed and pulled me into a deep embrace.
She loved the small girl inside of me who gave to others because she didn't have enough as a child. Growing up, I had everything that I needed but none of the things that I wanted. Lex laughed and shook her hand when I carried meals to the neighbors or invited the young girls of the village over for ice cream and sleepovers.
As Lex and I dressed to go out, I stopped for a moment just to stare at her reflection in the mirror. My eyes absorbed the beautiful artwork covering her body and I had the sudden urge to run my hands over her skin. Lost in my thoughts, I absentmindedly began to rub the flimsy silk material covering my chest. I must have let out a slight moan because Lex's eyes shot up and we connected. The quiet lust dominated my stare and she instantly picked up on my vibe. She crossed the room with the stealthiness of a beautifully calculating panther. Taking the robe from my hands, Lex devoured me with her eyes taking in the sight of my caramel thighs enclosed in black thigh high stockings and the garter belt decorating my waist. She reached for me and playfully pulled away. I sauntered backwards seductively, barely managing to escape her grasp. Lex chased me throughout the house in an exotic game of tag. When she finally cornered me in the bathroom, I knew that I had successfully managed to simultaneously piss her off and turn her on. She forcefully kissed me while freeing my hair from its ribbon and tugging my head back by its roots. Lex ran her tongue over the space between my collar bone and the fold behind my eye before quickly spinning me around to face our reflections. She maintained direct eye contact with me in the mirror as she kissed each of my arms from the tips of my fingers to the blades of my shoulders. I sighed breathlessly as my quickened heartbeat and the weakness in my knees caused me to temporaily lose my composure. My eyes followed her as she bent to remove the lace barrier between her and the treasure she sought. Placing kisses along the span of my legs, Lex kissed her way to the top of my body. Her hands eagerly clutched my breasts. She hoisted me onto the counter and found my lips again. Kissing me deeply as her fingers reached to explore me. Our bodies created a delicious rhythm as I rocked vigorously against her hips with her hand being battered between us. I sang out her name over and over again in a melody sweet enough to rival the song of any hummingbird. Sweat poured from Lex's forehead as she focused her attention on pleasing me. The intense stare on her face excited me even more and I found myself hittest the highest octave known to man while a wave of pleasure and emotion spilled over my body's core. I collapsed into her arms and she wrapped me in her arms, kissing the sides of my face gently. A few minutes later, she lifted me and placed me carefully into the bed. Lex's hands tenderly removed my clothing and pulled the satin comforter up to my chin. She kissed the tip of my nose and climbed into bed next to me. As we settled into another night of sleep, I breathed deeply and whispered a short answer to God. The peaceful lull of the wind whispered in my ear, singing me a lullaby. Before I drifted into my sleep, I said to myself, "I remember this. This is what happiness feels like...."
To Be Continued...
© Copyright 2009 Essence M.
Lex and I were still in Europe and had been in Italy for about six weeks. We'd been having so much fun that we decided to extend our stay until the end of the travel season. We found ourselves enveloped in the same leisure society enjoyed by the American ex-patriates of the 1930s. But instead of James Baldwin and Josephine Baker, we were surrounded by dozens of successful black same gender loving people. Lex and I enjoyed lounging on the beach for hours and staggering out of jazz clubs at dawn. We went to lunch at noon and stayed until the sky turned orange in the evening. It seemed as if I'd once again found someone to enjoy the excitement of life with. But I didn't want to move too soon. Although we were spending massive amounts of time together, Lex and I still lived in seperate villas. We even agreed on having the freedom to date other people. But we didn't. The option was just there. We traveled all over Europe. Though it was not the first time trip to the other side of the ocean for either one of us, we enjoyed the excitement of exploring together. Every day held a new adventure for us, an opportunity for us to grow closer together and as individuals. We visited the ruins of ancient Athens. Viewed the Roman Coliseum. Spent long weekends in London and Paris. Just partying and making love. We got stoned out of our minds for two weeks in Amsterdam. We woke up in the morning with no particular plan other than to enjoy each other's company. I enjoyed waking up to her face in the morning and being the first person that she saw when she opened her eyes. With Lex I didn't feel the same weight that I felt from Jordan's overbearing nature. Lex appreciated my free-spirited nature and encouraged me to embrace my creativity beyond the pen. She taught me how to play the guitar. Sat behind me, postioning my arms and fingers as I nervously strummed the strings and kissed my fingertips when I messed up. Lex and I painted together. I'd cover myself in body paint and Lex would shoot me in garden or by the pool. It was funny and sexy and wild and sensual and I was enjoying every second.
After I finished Lex's hair, we went down to the market. The bright, rich colors of the foods entertained my eyes and caused my stomach to rumble. As usual, we were eating dinner at my house. Lex loved food but couldn't cook to save her life. The woman had every local bistro on her phone's speed dial. When I got comfortable with her presence in my life, I started cooking small meals every now and then. Then I began cooking at every meal, taking advantage of the fresh foods and exotic spices. Lex praised my cooking at every chance. She once told me that every meal excited her and filled her with anticipation because she never knew what I would create in the kitchen. It amazed her that my creativity spread to every possible part of my life, even my cooking. I cooked a meal of broiled scallops adorned with cherry tomatoes, fresh spinach and pasta in a garlic butter sauce. We stole bites of food off each other's plates, kissed the spots where food had strayed from the other's mouth. As a reward for cooking, Lex washed the dishes as I sat on a stool, reading from Nikki Giovanni's 'Love Poems'. We enjoyed a glass of wine and passed a joint between us on the verdana as we discussed Giovanni's words. As the sun faded into the horizon, it dawned on us that the night had yet to even begin. I delicately placed a Nina Simone record on the old phonography I'd bartered from a local woman in exchange for a beautiful turquiose ring. The woman had admired my ring as I scanned my eyes over her cart of beautiful handmade tapestries. She said she reminded her of her long deceased mother, a Cherokee. Our eyes connected in a moment of shared longing and I had slipped the ring off of my ring, placing it gently into her palm. The woman argued with me repeatedly shouting, "No, non posso prendere il vostro bello anello". I shrugged off the frustration caused by her refusal and instead offered to trade. She thrust an elegant cloth in my face and motioned for me to accept it as payment. I knew that she'd worked tirelessly on the tapesteries that she used to earn her living and couldn't imagine taking one without paying. Instead, I peeked in the corner and saw a small record player with a stack of Nina Simone records sitting neatly beside it. When I returned home that day, Lex laughed and pulled me into a deep embrace.
She loved the small girl inside of me who gave to others because she didn't have enough as a child. Growing up, I had everything that I needed but none of the things that I wanted. Lex laughed and shook her hand when I carried meals to the neighbors or invited the young girls of the village over for ice cream and sleepovers.
As Lex and I dressed to go out, I stopped for a moment just to stare at her reflection in the mirror. My eyes absorbed the beautiful artwork covering her body and I had the sudden urge to run my hands over her skin. Lost in my thoughts, I absentmindedly began to rub the flimsy silk material covering my chest. I must have let out a slight moan because Lex's eyes shot up and we connected. The quiet lust dominated my stare and she instantly picked up on my vibe. She crossed the room with the stealthiness of a beautifully calculating panther. Taking the robe from my hands, Lex devoured me with her eyes taking in the sight of my caramel thighs enclosed in black thigh high stockings and the garter belt decorating my waist. She reached for me and playfully pulled away. I sauntered backwards seductively, barely managing to escape her grasp. Lex chased me throughout the house in an exotic game of tag. When she finally cornered me in the bathroom, I knew that I had successfully managed to simultaneously piss her off and turn her on. She forcefully kissed me while freeing my hair from its ribbon and tugging my head back by its roots. Lex ran her tongue over the space between my collar bone and the fold behind my eye before quickly spinning me around to face our reflections. She maintained direct eye contact with me in the mirror as she kissed each of my arms from the tips of my fingers to the blades of my shoulders. I sighed breathlessly as my quickened heartbeat and the weakness in my knees caused me to temporaily lose my composure. My eyes followed her as she bent to remove the lace barrier between her and the treasure she sought. Placing kisses along the span of my legs, Lex kissed her way to the top of my body. Her hands eagerly clutched my breasts. She hoisted me onto the counter and found my lips again. Kissing me deeply as her fingers reached to explore me. Our bodies created a delicious rhythm as I rocked vigorously against her hips with her hand being battered between us. I sang out her name over and over again in a melody sweet enough to rival the song of any hummingbird. Sweat poured from Lex's forehead as she focused her attention on pleasing me. The intense stare on her face excited me even more and I found myself hittest the highest octave known to man while a wave of pleasure and emotion spilled over my body's core. I collapsed into her arms and she wrapped me in her arms, kissing the sides of my face gently. A few minutes later, she lifted me and placed me carefully into the bed. Lex's hands tenderly removed my clothing and pulled the satin comforter up to my chin. She kissed the tip of my nose and climbed into bed next to me. As we settled into another night of sleep, I breathed deeply and whispered a short answer to God. The peaceful lull of the wind whispered in my ear, singing me a lullaby. Before I drifted into my sleep, I said to myself, "I remember this. This is what happiness feels like...."
To Be Continued...
© Copyright 2009 Essence M.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Daaaaaaamn....
I've been gone for a little minute and I'm soooooorry!
I've been dealing with some personal and school issues but now everything's cool, I'm all yours again!
I'm heading back to Baltimore today so more posts will definitely follow in the coming days.
Be Peace <3,
E.
I've been dealing with some personal and school issues but now everything's cool, I'm all yours again!
I'm heading back to Baltimore today so more posts will definitely follow in the coming days.
Be Peace <3,
E.
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