The Way You Love Me Pt. 1-13

I was naked. Lying on my stomach, flipping through a series of old photographs. Staring at our past. Gazing at our memories. On the other side of the room, she sat in a tall bamboo chair that I bought on our last trip to Asia. The elderly Mandarin man who sold me the chair smiled at us and complimented us on our matching hair. We laughed and teased each other about who started their locks first and which one of us had the idea to reach for the bottle of Cinnamon Brown. As we giggled, I asked the man to snap a picture and capture the moment. We look beautiful with our matching hair and our beautiful new chair. Looking at the picture, the moment appeared perfectly clear in my mind. A warm smile spread across my face.

"What are you smiling about babe?"

I'd been lost in the moment and completely forgot that I had a cheesy grin on my face. When I looked up, she was pulling on her t-shirt and adjusting the top of her underwear. I had to stop and admire her. Jordan certainly had a beautiful figure. Her legs were golden and toned, arms muscular but her body was small-framed and her face very androgynous. Her strong jaw line and surprisingly feminine features gave her the look of a caramel version of Jenny Shimizu. I watched as she pulled her legs into a pair of jeans and reached for a sweater that she'd thrown over a chair last night.

Hmm... If she just moved in she wouldn't have to put her things on her chair, on the floor, on the dresser, in the living room, in the dining room, and basically anywhere that there's space. But asking Jordan about moving in together is pointless. I might as well turn on her iPod, ask her to put her headphones on and crank the volume up because all she's doing is tuning me out anyway. Trust me, we've been down this road before. Dating since 2005 and we've never even shared the same living space. She says it’s because things are already great between us and she doesn't want to ruin it. Bullshit. You can travel the world with me, run a business with me, but you can't live with me? Something's wrong with that picture. But a long time ago I decided not to sweat the small things in life. A brush with death can make you do that. Jordan is a good woman, a good woman who loves me. So I decide not to think about our living arrangement anymore. I just want to watch her put on her sweater.

"Just looking at the pictures we took in Asia last year. You're sitting in the chair."

"Oh yeah. That was a great trip. Next time we do Asia, we're hitting Dubai".

Dubai? Seriously? Dubai is one of the richest countries in the world and even though we're doing well, we can't afford to spend too much too fast. Well, I know I can't. We have joint banking accounts but I also set up separate accounts so we can each have our own money to play with. Hell, we work hard. Jordan's been my manager for seven years, when I just starting out as a freelance writer. I didn't even know that I needed a manager. But when magazines started getting interested in both my looks and my writing, I had to get someone to help me handle the rush of bookings for fashion shows, album release parties and club openings. It surprised me that a Black female writer could become the new It girl in today's society which revolved around reality TV stars and anorexic party girls.

I met Jordan at a small gathering thrown by my friend Jade. Jade was going through a tough custody battle with her ex-partner and had turned her new drinking problem into fun for all. It was the average after work party. Lots of women in khakis and business suits, power suits and colorful dresses. Usually I loved these types of parties. There's just something sexy about a room full of beautiful, black and employed women. But this particular day, I wasn't in the best of moods. I'd just been fired from my job as Public Relations director of GIANT Magazine because I kept missing days due to my budding side career. My friends told me that it didn't matter since I was becoming quite popular with the media but I loved my job. I didn't want my co-workers to think I was unprofessional and I knew Smokey would be particularly disappointed. What could I do except drown my sorrows in round after round of shots with Jade. Before I knew it, we were all acting as if we were 18 and had broken into our parent's liquor cabinet. By the time I reached for my umpteenth shot, my hair was around my shoulders and the first three buttons on my shirt were undone. I threw my head back and let the cold vodka slide down my throat. In the process, I spilled some alcohol on my new vintage Diana Von Furstenberg dress. I'd spent half of my rent money on the dress after falling in love with it while shopping at my amazing friend Diana's consignment shop. But in my drunken stupor, I damn sure didn't care.

I was struggling to open a bottle of champagne when I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around me and take both the bottle and corkscrew from my hands. I jerked my head around. I just knew that a stranger wouldn't be bold enough to invade my space like that. And just as I started to open my big mouth, I looked into the warmest brown eyes ever. My words got stuck in my throat as she unscrewed the bottle, spraying the sparkling bubbles into the air.

She poured a glass and handed it over. "Now, let this one be your last. I'd hate for you to get another stain on that beautiful dress. Diana isn't cheap, ya know?"

I sipped the glass slowly while I thought. I tried to avert my eyes but she was so incredibly sexy and one thing I've never been able to resist is a woman who knows her designer labels. However, from her appearance, she looked like a woman who knew her way around Bloomingdales. Kenneth Cole loafers. Ralph Lauren blazer. A sleek turquoise tie. Sexy...

"Thanks. I'm usually not this messy", I said as I tried to hide both my embarrassment and attraction. I wanted to stop fidgeting but she made me nervous. I was hoping that Jade would stumble over and interrupt us when she saw the freshly opened bottle in my hand but she just waved and kept flirting with her exotic looking next door neighbor.

She laughed and brushed my hair down a little. It wasn't a harsh laugh or a judgmental laugh. It was a comforting laugh. The type of laugh shared between friends in the corner of a crowded party. That's when I started to relax... and stopped holding in my breath to make myself look thinner.

"Aww, you'll be ok. But no more drinking. We can't have you dancing on the bar. By the way, my name is Jordan."

"It's great to meet you Jordan, I'm Jaisun".

We shook hands and smiled at each other. She was determined to sober me up so we spent the rest of the party standing on the balcony, talking and drinking coffee. She told me that she was a native New Yorker and an only child who'd recently earned her MBA from American University. I told Jordan that I'd graduated from Hampton University years ago and lucked into an entry level position at GIANT. I kept performing well and caught the eye and ear of the magazine's former editor in chief, Smokey D. Fontaine. Smokey and I became the new Andy and Edie...famous for just being famous. Eventually I rose to the PR position that I loved so much and after a few years, writing started to call to me. I'd always loved writing. A few articles here and there turned into columns in Cosmopolitan and Detail Magazine. I told her that I didn't understand how three fashion spreads had turned me into an overall sensation. But I guess when those magazines are Essence, Vogue and Ebony, success should be expected. When I shared my feelings of becoming quickly overwhelming by my schedule, she offered to become my manager.

Of course, I had to be hesitant. I thought Jordan was a nice woman. Pretty smile. Beautiful face. But I wasn't convinced that it was enough to sign on the dotted line. A few weeks later, she faxed a resume to me. We went on a couple business lunches. Two months later, it was official.

After our business arrangement began, we made an unspoken decision to be friends. Neither of us liked the idea of mixing business with pleasure. Jordan became my manager, my confidante, and my best friend. We'd hit industry parties and then spend hours in IHOP afterwards talking about our ridiculous love lives. We each had bad luck with women. I settled into a forced celibacy while Jordan jumped from woman to woman. She never failed to call me after her failed dates to tell me about the women who threw themselves shamelessly at her. I'd always laugh but inside I felt that Jordan intentionally picked the wrong women. Anyone could see that a woman with her intelligence could do better than video vixens and drama queens. But I just kept my mouth shut and listened to her as she rambled off their never-ending list of faults.

We were friends for three years before things started to change between us. I'd recently broken up with Heather, a newly signed Def Jam artist who preferred to be referred to as DJ Hazard at all times...even in bed. After she pushed me out of bed for forgetting to call her by her stage name, I knew I'd had enough. When Jordan called me one crisp autumn day to tell me that she'd just dumped Kai, her newest model girlfriend, and was coming over for a talk, I knew what to do. I made two cups of apple cider, laid out a bowl of popcorn, grabbed our favorite big fluffy blanket and popped in Love Jones. Jordan and I both had a deep infatuation with Nia Long and watched the movie whenever we were having a bad day. I was lighting incense when she knocked on the door.


When I opened the door, I expected her to be sad but she greeted me with the same Jordan smile.

"Aww, did the models hurt my pookie? Come here sweetie!” I said pulling her into my arms for a friendly embrace. She nuzzled her head into my chest for a second and then exploded into a fit of laughter.

"Jaisun, stop. You know me better than that. There are a million more women out there and all they all want me". We laughed some more and Jordan shrugged off her hoodie and threw it on a chair. "I'm not trippin over no female. Especially not Kai. When she started asking for a key, I knew it was time for her to go".

She flopped down next to me. "But that's old news. How was your day?"

I couldn't believe it. Jordan had just broken up with her woman and yet she was acting nonchalant and easy-going as always. It didn't even bother her. For some reason, the fact that she could easily dismiss women from her life without a second thought didn't sit well with me.

"How was my day? Girl, have you even called Kai? Do you know how she's doing? Do you even know if she's okay?"

Jordan stopped reaching for the popcorn long enough to stare at me in shock. "What the hell? Why do you care Jaisun? You said she looked like her favorite position was leaning over a toilet seat!"

I walked away shouting, "You're right! I don't care! I could care fucking less!" I went into my room and buried my face into a pillow. She's right, I thought. What am I mad about? Jordan would never hurt me. Jordan loves me. I love Jordan.

With that thought, I sat straight up. "Oh shit, I love Jordan", I said aloud. I covered my mouth in disbelief, unable to handle what I'd just said. I couldn't love Jordan. She was my friend. Jordan was the person who washed my car when I was too lazy to. She held my hand at each of my grandparent's funeral. Fought with me when I claimed to be too tired to work out. Jordan was my best friend.

I heard her come into the room. At first she hesitated to come closer but eventually she sat on the edge of bed.

"Jai? Are you crying? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry."

I shifted my weight so she couldn't my face. "I'll be fine Jordy. Just give me a minute".

I turned to stand up and there they were again, those same eyes. Before I could stop myself, I leaned over and kissed her. The first kiss was soft and cautious. Jordan paused for a second and inched back. Then she pressed her lips harder and took hold of the back of my neck. I'd always imagined what it would be like to kiss her. I thought her lips would be hard and pictured her as being an aggressive kisser. But she wasn't. She held me as if I was a precious object, something fragile and delicate. She didn't rush. Her hands and lips explored me with ease, unbuttoning my shirt and sliding it off my shoulders. Her lips wandered from my lips to my neck to my shoulders and back again. We sat kissing for nearly fifteen minutes before she abruptly pulled away.

I thought she would fall off the damn couch. She struggled to slide backwards but decided to stand.

"Jaisun, we can't. We just...can't. You're my friend. My homie. My client! We cannot fucking do this." She grabbed her coat and moved towards the door. "Look, just call me later. I have some shit to take care of".

I quickly buttoned my shirt and tried to beat her door. I kicked a basketball out of the way and winched in pain.

"Ouch! Damn it! Jordan, stop!" I put my back against the door and looked into her eyes. "Don't run away from this. You know that we have something. We have an amazing connection. You're my best friend. I didn't want to fall in love with you but I did".

"Oh shit, are you serious Jaisun? I'm out. I can't handle this shit".

Damn, I thought. I was so sure that Jordan felt the same way. I knew she did. I just couldn't let her walk away from something that felt so right. I knew I needed to try to a different approach and fast.

"So you're just gonna act like a little bitch? Then go ahead. Walk out. Go back to the bucket headed bitches that keep wasting your time. If you're too stupid to recognize a good thing, then fuck it".

The look on her face was priceless. It was a mixture of shock, amusement and stubbornness. "Oh shit, you wanna be tough huh? Ok, be tough now!" Jordan grabbed me and started tickling me. I knew that she wouldn't be able to resist my tough girl act. I begged and pleaded but she wouldn't let me go. Tears were streaming down my face when she finally relaxed her grip. My head was in her lap and as my laughter died off, Jordan shifted her weight to cradle me and stared at me. She had never looked at me with so much intensity.

"I love you Jaisun."

We sat like for a long time. Staring into each other's eyes. Smiling for no reason. We talked for a long time after that. She told me about the times her heartbeat had quickened when she walked in while I was in my bra and panties. The moments when she'd wanted to caress my face while I was sleeping. I couldn't help but to blush. I never knew she'd felt that way. I'd just taken a chance in the moment. But Jordan reassured me that her feelings were real.

"Come here babe...". She lifted me up, clutching the side of my waist. Cradling the side of my head, Jordan began to slowly kiss me. For a while I had absolutely no control over my body. I didn't feel my clothes peeling off. I couldn't feel my legs widening. But all of those things were happening. I saw an entirely new side of Jordan. She wasn't playful and jovial. She was intense and aggressive and sexy. She knew exactly how and where to kiss me. It was as if her body just talked to mine. Awakening something within me. I'd never felt that way about any woman. Sex had always been fun but no woman had actually taken the time to understand my body. To dig deep within its cervices and discover entirely new places of joy. Jordan showed me that she loved me through the way that she made love to me. I know it sounds weird but it’s true. Only a person who truly loves you would take their time pleasing you, making sure that you are left entirely satisfied whenever your bodies cease to connect.

When we finished making love, we laid on the floor. I was breathless. My legs were quivering. Most importantly, I needed a glass of water. I grabbed the blanket and wrapped it around me. My ankle bracelets jingled as I walked to the kitchen sink.

I had just taken my first sip of water when Jordan said, "Let's go to Monte Carlo".

I swallowed hard and said, “Monte Carlo?! For what?"

Jordan walked over and grabbed me by the waist. She pulled me close and said," Because we can. Let's just hope on a plane and go".

And we did. We went to Monte Carlo. I almost didn't believe her until Jordan picked up the phone and called our travel agent. We held hands and sipped green tea on the plane. We never drank during our flights. Jordan loved feeling as if she was floating above everything. She wanted to enjoy the sensation. When we landed, I went to the baggage claim and Jordan rented the car. I don't know why I thought that letting her pick the car was a good idea. I couldn't miss the yellow Porsche Boxster S as I walked through the terminal's exit.

"Jordan, what the hell?! This is too expensive!"

She looked up and flashed me a wicked smile. "It’s about time that we start enjoying this money". I climbed into beside her after throwing the luggage into the rear. We turned up the music, put on our shades and sped off.

Before we hit the first curve, Jordan turned to me and said, "Jai, how fast do you think this car can go?" I gripped the sides of the seat as Jordan sped around the sharp curves. A part of me was terribly afraid but another part of me knew that I could trust Jordan with my life.

We rented a villa. It wasn't as grand as the nearby mansions of Madonna and Tina Turner but it was perfect for us. Surrounded by an exotic garden and shaded by trees, it gave us just the right amount of privacy. We spent days taking walks along the seemingly endless shore and nights tangled in crisp white sheets. The locals embraced us. The women taught me the endless amount of uses for olive oil. The man laid their jackets over puddles for us. They smiled as we ate off each other's forks and played together in the rain. The people there didn't just accept me or her, they accepted us. Jordan loved going to the casinos. We'd get dressed up and go drop thousands of dollars on blackjack. I'd dress as a Hollywood starlet. Lots of red lipstick and tight fitting dresses. Jordan would wear a tuxedo with dark Prada shades. She always did have a thing for James Bond. We gambled and drank and ate and fucked for a month straight. Completely abandoned our lives. Created a space for only us. But after a while, Jordan started feeling that itch again. Her Type A personality wouldn't allow her to remain away from business for long.

One day she came to me and asked me, "Don't you miss it Jaisun?"

I rolled over on the grass and said, “Miss what?" I knew what she was talking about. I knew she missed being busy. She missed the boardroom and the studios and the clubs.

"You know what I mean. Baby, we gotta go back. We have the opportunity to live an amazing life. Let's do that."

The next day we left.


That was three years and eleven months ago. We came back to New York. Came back to our separate apartments. Just as easily as we slipped into our friendship, we blended into being a couple. The time spent in Monte Carlo gave us a closeness that other couples envied. We could be in a room full of people and still act as if we were totally secluded. Other women sighed quietly to themselves when they saw us sitting alone, whispering to one another. Her co-workers still look jealous when I emerge from her office after a two hour “lunch meeting”, looking cool and collected. A small hint of sex in the air but our faces didn’t show that I’d just been bent over her desk. We have a true love, built on friendship and respect. I would never disrespect Jordan and I know she’d never disrespect me. There have been times when other women have tried their luck but they were quickly put in their place. I never had to worry about indiscretion and if she cheated, I never knew. But we've been together for four years and have never lived together. Jordan says I only harp on that issue because we don't have any other problems.

And she's right. We don't.

Weeeell, that statement isn't entirely true.

I was still sitting down, watching Jordan as she gathered her things and prepared to leave. I had something important on my mind and I knew that I needed to open my mouth and say something. But I know how Jordan is. I wasn't sure how she would react and honestly, I was expecting the worst.

A few days ago, one of the Def Jam publicists called to tell me that Heather's album release party was scheduled for tonight and they expected me to continue my hosting duties. That Heather had specifically asked for me and the party fulfilled one of the stipulations in a contract that I desperately wanted to get out of. I couldn't believe that Heather had asked for me. Over the years, we've run into each other from time to time. Of course, I'm always with Jordan and Heather is always surrounded by groupies in their little 'DJ Hazard' t-shirts. My usual reaction is to roll my eyes all the way into the back of my head and thank God that I had the good sense to drop her ass when I did. Sometimes she sends over a drink. Or her phone number. But I dismiss it all. It doesn't matter to me that she has money or cars. Everyone knows that Jordan is my woman and has been for a while. Still, it bothers Jordan. She makes it clear that she doesn't respect Heather and does not want me to be around her. I always end up having to find a way to keep the two apart and stop Heather from pushing Jordan too far. Trust me, Jordan is not the one to play with. Underneath her professional and easy-going persona, she is very protective, very aggressive and just a tad bit jealous. The last time we all attended the same party, we ended up leaving an hour early because Heather tried to dance with me and Jordan almost tossed her little ass into the bar.

So obviously, I knew that it wouldn't be easy to get Jordan to come to the party. And that she probably wouldn't want me to go at all. But I didn't have a choice. In order to get out of my Def Jam contract, I had agreed to host any five parties of their choice at one flat fee with no star perks. And Heather knew it.

When I saw Jordan reach for her keys, I knew that it was now or never. I had to talk to her. I had to tell her about the party. But how? I needed some help. Something or someone that she couldn't resist. If we had a kid, I would have used it as my cover but instead I just picked up our new puppy and shoved it into Jordan's face.

"Say hi Daisy! Say hi to Daddy!" The dog licked happily on the side of Jordan's cheek, brushing its wet nose against the side of her neck. Jordan grabbed the dog and tumbled onto the ground. We laughed and rolled around on the floor for a few minutes.

"Come on Daisy! Tell Jordy to come with me to the party!"

Jordan stopped playing long enough to ask, "What party baby?"

I picked the dog up and stood. Daisy could be my shield. "I was thinking that you could come to Heather's album release party with me". Bad idea. All movement stopped. Sensing the tension, Daisy jumped down and scampered off. Traitor.

"No, no. no. I'm not going. You're not going. We're not going!"

"But I have to go. Violet from Def Jam called. You know how things are right now. All I have to do is get on the mic, say a few words, pop a couple of bottles and then we can leave. What’s the big deal?"

I tried to hug her but Jordan wasn't having it. She pushed me away and said, "What's the big deal? Do you think my idea of a good time is watching that lame ass bitch flirt with my girl? You already know how I feel about her Jaisun. I don't like her, don't respect her. And why are you so pressed to go anyway? You tell Def Jam to kiss your ass any other day. What? You wanna see her or something?"


"Jordan, get a fucking grip. You know that I can't back out of shit like this anymore. I'm tired of being at Def Jam. They're not promoting me as well as the other artists. They're a music label and they signed me, knowing that I was a writer and a model. Now they don't know what to do with me. You know that I want to get out of this contract. This isn't about us, this is about business. Heather is cool but THAT'S IT! We dated, it didn't last, I'm with you! Stop being so damn childish and get over it! I don't care what you say. I'm going to the party...."

Jordan opened the door to leave but then turned to face me. She stood there quietly for a second and then suddenly punched the wall.

"I knew this shit would happen eventually. I can't believe this shit. My girl is arguing with me so she can go sit up in another female's face? Fuck it. Go. Don't go. I don't care."

She slammed the door when she left. That's never a good sign. A few minutes later, Daisy came trotting back into the room and gave me a look that said, "What the hell did you do now?"


I arrived for the party an hour late. I knew that Heather's manager would probably be mad but I didn't care. After Jordan walked out of the apartment, I'd been too distraught to dress. I just sat there, wondering how I had managed to mess up such a wonderful thing. Even now, the fight was still on my mind. I didn't understand why Jordan got so upset.

I snapped out of my thoughts long enough to notice that something did not seem right. There was no music blasting into my eardrum. No DJ screaming incoherently on the mic. And no mile long line of half naked women outside. Didn't seem like one of Heather's parties at all.

When I reached the doors of the club, a young woman approached me. Smiling, she said, "Good evening ma'am. Ms. McDonald, I presume?"

I nodded yes. I followed her into the club, past the dance floor, beyond the VIP and into a private room. Entering the room, I immediately saw an elegant dinner table that was set for two. Candles, soft music, chilled champagne. My heart almost began to melt but a shockingly revelation hit me first. Heather set this up purposely. I needed to leave as soon as possible.

I headed to the door but a voice called behind me, "Jaisun! What's Up! Wait, where are you going?" It was Heather. For once, she actually looked kind of nice. The shades, the fur and the heavy chain were gone, replaced with a pair of small black reading glasses and a nice Polo outfit.

"Hey Heather, thanks for the invitation but I'm actually leaving. I don't think this is really a good idea."

She put down a small package that she held in her hands and walked over to me. "Look Jaisun, I know it seems kind of shady but I just wanted a chance to apologize for being such an asshole. I knew that you wouldn't come unless it was business".

"But Heather, what if Jordan had come with me? Do you understand what this shit looks like? "

"I know, I know", she said. Heather sat down and put her head into her hands. "Don't you know how much it bothers me that I fucked up? I was just so young and stupid. I don't even really act like that anymore. Now, that shit is just for show. I wish I had someone like you in my life now. Someone that doesn't give a fuck about all the material shit. Someone that's real."

I sat down across from her. I grabbed her hand and said, "Heather, I understand all that. I really do. But you can't put me in a bad position with my woman. I'm in a relationship with Jordan. I'm in love with Jordan. We can be friends but you can't try to come between that."

Heather assured me that she understood and we sat down for a quiet dinner. Six courses of absolutely delicious food. We were eating dessert and finishing our last cocktails of the evening. I playfully stole forkfuls of her strawberry cheesecake and somehow Heather managed to knock my entire cup of green tea ice cream on the floor. I'd forgotten how much fun she was. I remembered how I'd loved her youthful spirit and generosity. I pulled on my jacket and stood to leave, when Heather picked up the package she'd been holding all night and handed it to me. I opened it and saw an original copy of "Their Eyes Were Watching God". Autographed on the inside cover by Ms. Hurston herself.

"Oh my gosh! Heather! Thank you so much!"

"You're welcome Jaisun. And honestly, I really am happy for you and Jordan. Come on, let me walk you out."

I smiled and just as I turned to walk away, Heather spun me around and kissed me. I stood there shocked for a second and then pulled away.

Before I could open my mouth to forcefully object, I saw a shade standing in the doorway. Someone had been watching. And without even seeing her face, I knew it was Jordan.



"What the fuck is going on?"

I heard the tone of Jordan's voice and I knew she was furious. I could hear Jordan clinching her jaw from where I was standing. The invitation and small greeting card in her hand fell to the floor. She'd come to apologize. Felt bad about the argument that we'd had earlier. And now I was standing here, unable to explain the situation that I had gotten myself into.

"Jordan baby, listen. Heather and I..."

"Look Jordan", Heather interrupted as she stepped closer to Jordan. "Jaisun had no idea about the dinner. This is all just a huge misunderstanding. For real yo, I really am sorry". Heather extended her hand for Jordan to shake. Jordan stood quietly and then out of nowhere began to laugh hysterically. When her laughter died down, she began massaging her jaw and staring at Heather's hand which remained unshaken. Without a second thought, Jordan hit Heather squarely in the jaw, sending her stumbling back.

At first I thought I had to be imagining things. But when I saw Heather clutching her jaw and Jordan standing over her cursing, I knew that I wasn't seeing things. I rushed over to Jordan and tried to guide her through the doorway. Before we could exit, Heather tackled her from behind. They crashed onto the floor, landing punches and kicks wherever they could. I stood on the sidelines yelling, "Stop it! This is so stupid! Ya'll are too old for this! Jordan, GET UP!"

Finally I separated them. Jordan had a cut above her eye and when I tried to examine it further, she roughly shoved me away.

"Jaisun, get the fuck away from me. Don't touch me."

"Jordy, stop being so stubborn and let me look at your eye". Jordan pushed my hands away and left. I glanced at Heather to make sure that she didn't have any serious injuries and then I dashed after Jordan. I didn't reach her before she drove away but I knew where she was going.

I drove straight to Jordan's apartment, trying to beat her home. I knew she would be going straight home. Jordan hated to drive when she was upset. When I arrived, I didn't see her car. I used my key to enter and after confirming that she hadn't come home yet, I went into the kitchen and made myself a drink. A strong one. I sat on the couch and looked around Jordan's apartment. I noticed all the pieces of me that she had incorporated into her personal space. A self portrait that I'd painted in Monte Carlo and had given her on our first anniversary. A framed copy of my first Vogue cover. An old childhood picture of my mother and me. So many memories... I hoped that I hadn't ruined our chance for happiness.

Forty minutes later, Jordan walked through the door. She didn't notice me at first but when our eyes met, a look of disgust spread over her face.

"What are you doing here?"

"Jordan. Baby.. I just wanna talk to you".

She shook her head and opened the door, "Out!"

I struggled to hold in my tears. "Goddamn it Jordan! This is me that you're talking to! Me! You know that I didn't do anything with that girl! I love you"

Jordan slammed the door and shouted, "No! I don't know shit! All I know is that I thought we had something special Jaisun but we don't. So get the fuck out of my house!"

"Jordan, come on now! Don't do this to us!"

Tear streamed down my face but I didn't bother to push them away. I wanted her to see my frustration, my anger, my remorse. I knew that things looked bad but I also knew that I was innocent. Even Heather had supported that fact. So I didn't understand what the problem was.

"Jordan, I don't get it. I told you what happened. She told you what happened. What's the big fucking problem?!"

Jordan walked past me and sat in a chair. She shook her head and said, "Jai, you think I don't know that you don't fuck with Heather? You think I don't know that she planned all this shit? I know what that bitch thinks like! I used to be her! I used to act just like her! But I'm different now. I changed and I changed because of you. It's just the simple fact that I kept trying to tell you. I told you that Heather is sneaky and just wants to fuck up our shit. But you wanted to go be in her face anyway. Is it that I don't show you enough love? You need more attention? What the fuck is it Jaisun?!"

"Jordan, I told you. It was just business. Nothing more! Why can't you understand that?"

She chuckled. "Jaisun, if you hadn't gone to that party, the people at Def Jam would have bitched for a minute and then they would have made you do another party. That's it! That's all! Don't play me like I don't know the fucking business!"

Then her voice changed. She dropped her head into her hands saying, "It's not that I don't trust you. It's them that I don't trust."

I walked over and bent to face her. I lifted Jordan's chin and kissed her softly. "Baby, don't worry about me. I'm not going anywhere. We're in this together..."

We kissed again. "Forever".



I spent the night at Jordan's place. We didn't make love that night. We just held each other, grasp hold of one another as if our lives depended on it. We embraced and tried to silently reassure the other that everything would be ok. I folded my body into hers, wrapping her arms around me. I felt safe... loved... wanted.

I knew that I'd messed up. I knew that. When Heather told me that she had arranged everything, I should have left. But I didn't. It wasn’t that I didn't love Jordan or that I cared for Heather. I don't know what it was but something made me stay. It would take a while for Jordan to get over it but eventually she would. She had to. We loved each other.

As I slept, I planned the details of our next trip. Jordan loved being spontaneous and in the morning, I would kiss her until she woke and then whisper, "Baby, let's go to Cambodia." Or Nepal. Or Cote 'd Ivoire. Anywhere but here. I wanted to go away and erase the memory of the entire night. A few weeks in another country could do just that. Jet skiing, rock climbing and hiking had the power to fix this tiny tear in the fabric of our relationship. We would just go, no stopping to pack or call out of work. Clothes could be bought when we landed and a single call to my assistant would handle the rest.

The next morning I woke feeling refreshed, reunited with Jordan and ready to explore another part of the world. But surprisingly, I was also very much alone. I twisted around in the sheets but saw no sign of Jordan. I noticed that her small overnight bag was gone but everything else remained in its place. I pulled on of Jordan's t-shirts and walked barefoot into the kitchen. No Jordan. But there was a note.

"Dear Jaisun-

I love you. I truly do. But trust is everything to me and I can't trust you anymore. I'll be out to town for a few days. Please be gone when I return.

Love, Jordan"

I couldn't believe it. I didn't have a chance to finish the short note in its entirety before the tears started to come. After years of loving each other completely, Jordan wanted to walk away because of a minor infraction. It didn't seem right to me. I don't know how long I sat in the kitchen, huddled in a corner, trying not to drown in my own tears. Each time I thought the tears had stopped, I'd allow my mind to recall another memory of her smile and the tears would come again. I search the apartment for flight confirmations and train tickets but found nothing. Her family had no idea that Jordan was missing or that we were even having problems. I called Jordan over and over but her phone kept going straight to voicemail. I made phone calls to her job and travel agent but no one seemed to know where Jordan had vanished to.

After I finally collected myself and decided to leave Jordan's apartment, I tried to pick up the pieces of my life. However, nothing felt the same. I held on to the belief that she only needed some time to think and when she returned, everything would be perfect again. We would slip back into usual routine of parties, work and lovemaking.

I attempted to be productive but work held no joy for me. I received daily reminders of our estrangement. Jordan's co-workers whispered to each other that "the honeymoon must finally be over". My agent and photographer, both close friends of ours, questioned me about my lack of enthusiasm and Jordan's mysterious absence. Everyone knew that Jordan always proofread my work and approved all of my photos before the magazines were allowed to print. They listened to my rambling excuses while giving each other knowing looks and side glances. Things at home were even worse. I developed a habit of shedding my clothes as soon as I stepped through the door and immediately slipping into a pair of pajamas. My makeup came off quickly and my hair remained in a semi-permanent ponytail. Party invitations and work engagements were declined without an excuse. I even slept on my couch, unable to handle sleeping without her. How could I sleep in the bed? It smelled like Jordan. The scent of her cologne lingered on the pillows. Heather continue to call and call. Her lawyers threatened to press charges against Jordan if I didn't respond to her calls but. I didn't feel like talking to her. I didn't feel like talking to anyone. I just wanted Jordan back.


Weeks passed and not a word. Not a phone call, a text, an email or even a damn smoke signal. It amazed me that after 3 years of friendship and 4 years of loving one another more than life itself, Jordan could just walk away from our life together. And walk away she did. Though I hadn't heard from Jordan, our lawyers, her assistant and even Jordan's mother, called to inform me that Jordan was not coming back. The lawyers called to notify me of Jordan's wishes regarding the division of our assets. Everything that we co-owned, including my apartment, had to be appraised, sold and equally divided. Jordan's mother just called to let me know that Jordan's neighbors were becoming increasingly alarmed by my constant presence outside of their building. And as if that wasn't embarrassing enough, the assistant called to inquiry about when I would able to collect my belongings from Jordan's apartment. After two weeks, I'd had enough. I turned my phone off and let the voicemail do its job. I couldn't handle the looks and whispers and words of pity. Yes, I messed up. No actually, I fucked up. But knowing it inside and seeing it painted all over everyone's face was two different things. I tried to throw myself into work for a while but that didn't work too well. I couldn't write while being surrounded by people and things that reminded me of Jordan. My staff made an effort to cheer me up but their fake smiles and pats on the back only made me feel worse. It felt as if I would never be happy again.

After days of drowning my sorrows in tequila shots and secluding myself from the world, there was a knock on the door. At first I didn't hear it. I was too busy cutting up limes for my next round. But then the knocks became louder and more persistent. I tried to just ignore it but it eventually started to annoy me. I staggered over to the door, knife still in hand. I crossed my fingers, hoping that it would be Jordan with a bouquet of roses and a huge "I'm Sorry" card. When I opened the door, I was both surprised and disappointed to see Heather standing there with several heavy grocery bags.

"Damn, you look horrible", she said. And I did. I hadn't showered in days. My hair looked matted and dirty and my clothes looked the same. But I didn't care. I just wanted to find out what she wanted and send her home so I could return to my new best friend: Jose Curve.

"Oh shut up, don't make me cut you bitch". I turned and allowed her to enter. She sat the bags down in the kitchen. I started to return to my limes but Heather hoisted me on her shoulder and began walking towards the bathroom. I kicked and screamed but it didn't help. She took me into the bathroom and turned on the shower.

"Wash yourself. You smell like depression and liquor".

I laughed but inside I wanted to cry and when I got into the shower, I did cry. I cried because I missed Jordan. Cried because it finally hit me that she wasn't coming back. When I finished showering, my eyes were swollen and I smelled like lavender. I slipped on a robe and went back into the kitchen where Heather had started breakfast. I sat on a bar stool and reached for my drink but Heather quickly snatched it out of my hand.

"No Jaisun, no more drinking. Water!" She handed a glass of ice water to me along with a plate of eggs. After all these years, Heather still remembered that eggs were my favorite hangover food. We ate in silence. I felt her staring at me but I couldn't look at her. I felt too embarrassed and ashamed. I'd let a woman turn me into a complete recluse and a drunk. How could I look at any of my friends again?

After we ate, I sat on the couch and dropped my head into my hands. Heather leaned on the side of the couch and wrapped her arms around me while I cried. I knew she wanted to say something but I refused to speak first. When my tears stopped, Heather crawled to the floor in front of me and began to speak slowly.

"Jaisun, I'm sorry. I know that this is all my fault. I can't tell you how sorry I am. I even tried to call Jordan but..."

I jumped up. "Wait, you talked to Jordan?! What did she say? Did you explain everything? Is she coming back?"

Heather sighed and looked away. "Look. I fuck with you Jaisun. I really do. And I understand how you feel about Jordan. But you gotta let her go man. You just have to. She's not coming back. She moved on. You have to do the same."

People had been trying to tell me that since Jordan left but until Heather said it, it didn't sink in. The truth hit me like a ton of bricks and once again, I started to cry.



"Damn girl, what the fuck is up with you and the waterworks? I hope you cried this much over me." We laughed and talked for a while. It felt good to talk to someone after days of hiding from reality and weeks of feeling alone. When Heather rose to leave, I wanted to ask her to stay but decided against it. Heather and I paused at the door before she left. I hugged her tight and gave her a peck on the cheek.

"Thank you so much Heather. I don't know how to repay you sweetie".

Heather laughed and kissed me on the cheek. "No problem Jai. I knew you needed a friend and I'm glad that I could be there for you. But if you really wanna do something for me, you can come to this photo shoot with me later."

I looked at her skeptically. Hmmm, the last time she invited me somewhere, it had cost me too much and I didn't want to make the same mistake again.

"I'm not really sure", I said.

Heather picked up on my hesitation and said, "Come on Jai, I'm smart enough to know when I fucked up. I'm not gonna pull the same thing twice. I just want you to meet my friend Lex. She's a photographer. Shoots for Elle and Vogue regularly so I think you guys would have a lot to talk about".

I didn't give her an answer. I just shrugged and opened the door. As she walked to the door, she shouted back, "Ok so, is 4 PM good for you? Look, just be ready. I'll send a car for you! And wear something sexy!" I shut the door and leaned against it. I decided to say fuck it and go to the shoot. I knew that I needed to stop hiding in my apartment and I enjoyed hanging out with Heather. What harm could it do to go?

When I arrived at the shoot, Heather hadn't gotten there yet. I sat in a chair and helped myself to a plate of fruit and a glass of champagne, listening to Heather's CD while I waited. I must have dozed off because a while later, I opened my eyes to see a strange woman standing over me.

"Hi, you must be Jaisun. I'm Lex."

She offered her hand for me to shake but I didn't notice. I was too busy looking at her beautiful honey blonde locks that brushed the top of her shoulders and her full lips which were curled into a smile. I stopped gawking long enough to reach for her hand and noticed the intricate tattoos covering her arms and chest. Usually I'm not a fan of heavily tattooed women but on her, it was different. It was sexy. Everything about her proudly screamed aggressive from her dominant posture to her loosely fitted True Religion jeans to the colorful ankh tattooed on her neck. Heather stood in the corner with a smile on her face and watched as I fell all over myself in front of Lex. Once again, I knew she had planned the whole thing and I also knew it was going to be a long and interesting afternoon.

"What the hell did you do now?"

I pushed Heather up against the wall but all she did was laugh. For the past two hours, Lex and I had been flirting mercilessly with each other. As Drake's "So Far Gone" played in the background, we played around, smoked and got a chance to know each better. Lex was a baby. She was only 25 years old. Heart, Nebraska took the title of her hometown but New York was her home. She'd come here 10 years ago as a child prodigy, the next Monet, and had recently fallen in love with photography. Lex laughed and joked a lot but when she picked up her camera, her passion for the art took over. The snickers and giggles ceased. Angles and lighting were all she understood. In such a short span of time, she'd transformed Heather from an average rap artist into the future of hip-hop. Lex used Heather's love of DJing as the premise of the shoot and captured her having fun in front of her first set of turntables. The three of us ate caviar and drank mimosas while I interviewed Heather, taking advantage of a chance to get back on my game. Heather didn't do interviews often and I knew that Ebony or Essence would appreciate an exclusive interview with the hottest female rapper.

I put on my jacket and as I got ready to leave, Lex walked over to me and gave me a hug.

"Thanks for coming Jaisun. It was so nice to meet you."

I smiled and tossed my hair a little bit. I realized that even as I was saying goodbye, I was inadvertently flirting with Lex. I had to get away from this girl and fast. I said goodbye to her and told her to give my love to Heather. I tried to get away fast. I didn't want to give Lex the opportunity to ask me on a date because I knew I didn't have the will-power to say no. But as I walked toward the door, Lex stopped me.

"So umm, Jaisun... do you think I could get your number or something? Maybe we can get together for a drink?"

Inside, I cursed myself for not running to the exit when I had a chance. My attraction to Lex and the champagne created an interesting combination, awakening the lust that I'd secretly been feeling since my separation from Jordan. I was used to being fucked senseless by Jordan on a daily basis. But I did the right thing and refused Lex's advances.

"Well I'm not really interested in dating anyone but you can have my card."

Disappointment washed over Lex's face. I hated to hurt her but I knew I wasn't ready to be tied down to another woman. I'd just spent 4 years with one woman. If I ever truly wanted to move on with someone else, I needed to learn how to be alone again.


"Soooo...a gorgeous woman asked you out on a date and you said no? Girl, you are so stupid!"

I threw a pillow at my friend Jade as she and Diana laughed and shook their heads in agreement. I'd invited them over on a warm day for some girl talk and Mimosas. After Heather's photo shoot, I hadn't been able to stop thinking about Lex and I needed my girls to help me clear my mind.

"Stop it! I'm not stupid, I just don't wanna move too fast. I'm still not over Jordan."

I crossed my legs and held the pillow in my lap. Jade and Diana rushed to my side and gave me a big hug. At times like this, it felt good to real friends. Jade and I had been tight since 6th grade. We got into a fight at recess over double dutch and after I whipped her ass, I stopped the other kids from teasing her. Since then, we'd seen each other through break-ups, make-ups, losing jobs, and even losing parents. When we moved to New York after graduating from Hampton, Diana joined the trio. She responded to an ad for a roommate that we put in a local bi-weekly lesbian magazine. We all clicked instantly. There was just something about the skinny caramel girl from Jersey that we liked. We danced our way through our early twenties together and even though we're all nearing thirty, our bond still exists. I'm not Jaisun the model or Jaisun the writer to Jade and Diana. I'm just Jaisun.

After our group hug, we went back to our discussion. Jade and Diana were in the process of telling me how ridiculous I seemed for rejecting Lex, a woman who appeared to be a total package. I tried to tell them that I didn't feel ready to date again but they were persistent.

"Look you guys, I'm not ready! I'm just not ready!", I said as I poured us another road of drinks. "I know that you both mean well but I'm tired of this. You know I'm still in love with Jordan and I know that I'm still in love with her. I'm not going to run right to the next chick when I just lost someone great. I refuse to let her go this easily. I'm going to find her and I'm going to win her back so stop trying to play fucking Love Connection with my damn life."

Jade rolled her eyes and looked at Diana. It seemed as if there was something being unsaid between the two of them.

Diana rubbed my back and said, "Look Jai, we have to tell you something. And you might not like what we have to say but you have to hear it."

"Ok I'll start...", Jade said as she took my hand. "Last week Heather called me. She told me what happened and told me that she was worried because you weren't answering the phone. Heather said she had gotten Jordan's number from her receptionist and tried to call Jordan but when she called another woman answered."

I leapt to my feet and pushed their hands away, shouting "WHAT?!".

Diana grabbed me and pulled me down, trying to restrain me. "That's not it baby girl. There's more. Tell her Jade..."

Jade looked hesitant but after Diana nudged her, she began again. "Well, the other day Jade and I were eating at Posh Dolce and we saw Jordan. But she wasn't alone. She was there with a woman. Her new girlfriend."

Everything stopped. I saw Jade's lips moving but couldn't hear her voice. I shook my head in disbelief and fought to hold back my ears. Jordan couldn't have a new girlfriend. She wouldn't. Jordan loved me. Jordan had shared four birthdays, four anniversaries, four Christmases and four Valentine's Days with me. She couldn't possibly have a new girlfriend. How could she? How could she even be able to pick up and just move on as if our life together never existed? Jordan couldn't be with someone new. We weren't finished yet. We had plans of children and grandchildren and pets galore. We had more nights of passion ahead of us and more days of smiles. Jordan and I had a vision of happiness that we shared together and I literally felt my heartbreak when I realized that it was truly over.


I woke up the next morning with a massive headache and a phone number scribbled on the back of my hand. I tried to think through my alcohol-induced fog and remember the events of the previous night but my mind drew a blank. All I could remember was that I'd gone out with Jade and Diana after crying for yet another five hours over Jordan. After crying out my eyes, I was determined to dance my pain away. It's ok to be heartbroken but I refuse to cry over any woman for too long. Jordan had moved on and I needed to move on too.

I crawled out of bed and staggered towards my vanity. I had to admit that the sight was both frightening and amusing. Still dressed in my now-wrinkled silver Chanel mini dress, I looked like a tranny prostitute after a night in Hunter's Point. My dark berry lipstick had smeared and my mascara created heavy circles around my eyes. I cursed out loud as I stumbled towards the medicine cabinet. I just hoped the paparazzi hadn't snapped any pictures.

I stopped suddenly as images of the night before flashed in my mind like a slideshow. Tequila shots with Jade and Diana at Plush. Dancing to a live reggae band at a Luz. Amaretto Sours at an afterhours jazz spot. And then I remembered running into her. While listening to jazz and reflecting on our long night, a pair of warm hands grabbed my shoulders. I turned quickly and coughed when I saw that it was Lex. And as always she looked good enough to eat. Her pumpkin colored Polo complimented her skin color and the brown jacket that she wore over it matched well. A pair of jeans gave the outfit a casual but very sexy look. I tried to keep up with the conversation but between her smile and the drinks that I'd had, I couldn't focus on anything. Except for her lips. I found myself zoning in them as she spoke. Occasionally I heard snapshots of Lex's conversation with herself. She mentioned that she was preparing to move to Italy in a few months which caught my attention. I'd recently read about a new lesbian writers commune in San Remo and had been dying to write an article on it for The Advocate. I snapped out of my daze and spoke for the few time in the entire conversation.

"So hey, when are you going to Italy?"

Lex's eyes lit up. She looked as if she was delighted to know that I could talk.

"Well, my move is still a few months down the line but I'm actually flying out there in about a week. Why are you interested in going to Italy?"

"Actually, yeah I am. I'm pitching a story to my editor at The Advocate and if everything works out then I should be out there around the same time.

And then Lex smiled. But it wasn't her normal sweet smile. This smile had a wicked nature to it. A smile that made it seem as if I had just made it too easy for her.

"Then we have to do lunch. Stop by my villa in Venice. Better yet, let me do this." Lex reached for my hand and grabbed a pen off the table. She scribbled an international number on my hand and kissed it. A short while later, her friends announced that they were ready to go and after she left, I ran off to find Jade and Diana. They giggled and told me that they'd been watching from afar.

I slapped Jade on the thigh. "What?! Why didn't you just come over?"

"Ow!", Jade yelped. "Maybe because I knew you didn't need to be interrupted. I've seen your ass every day since I let you win that fight. I can let your little boo have you for 15 minutes!"

We laughed the entire way home as they went down the list of what was good, better and best about Lex. The night ended on a great note and it was the best night that I'd had in a while.

I smiled as I came back to the present. And then reality hit. I had agreed to go on a date..With Lex...in Italy.

My life was getting more and more interesting by the day.
"...And you want me to send you over to Italy to see a bunch of middle-aged lesbos type up a few stories? Jaisun, come on!"

Michelle Davis tossed her feet up on the desk and looked me in the eye. One thing Michelle didn't do was bullshit. The first African American woman to be named Editor in Chief of The Advocate and the youngest to ever hold the position, she didn't have time for bullshit. Usually Michelle loved my ideas. She felt they explored what it truly felt like to be both black and gay in Post-Obama America.
But she just couldn't get with my idea about the lesbian writers commune. So I had to strike back.

"Michelle...look baby girl, it’s time to get serious. As black lesbians, we have to start thinking about the legacy we're leaving behind. When we were coming up, how many highly visible black lesbians were there? Not many. Now, there are plenty of young black starlets who happen to be same gender loving. We have to support our culture and that includes our writers! Everything doesn't always have to be about some singer who kissed her best friend or some movie star that just came out. Let's do a grown-up story for once!"

Michelle just stared at me for a while and then she burst into applause and laughter. "You are so fucking overly dramatic. You can have your little trip to Italy. You deserve it."

We hugged and Michelle waved me out of her office. For the first time in months, I was actually happy. I couldn't wait to catch out San Remo. The music, the food, the women.... I suddenly began to blush as my thoughts drifted to Lex. She seemed like such an awesome person. Genuinely sweet and terribly sexy... Every time I saw her, my body temperature went up just a tiny bit. The woman just exuded sex. I'd been holding back because of my longing for Jordan but now I was ready to show my true colors.

I was too busy daydreaming about what I wanted to pack and I forgot to watch where I was going. I ended up walking right into someone. I dove to catch the briefcase falling towards the ground and tried to shout out my apologies.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!"

"No problem, thanks". The hand reached for the briefcase and when I saw the person's face, my heart skipped a beat. I thought I had to be hallucinating. I had to be crazy. It couldn't be her. But as soon as I looked into those eyes, I knew for sure that it was Jordan.

"Jordan?"

She never looked away. Never lost her confident stance.

"Hello Jaisun. How are you? You look great." And I did. I had treated myself to a beauty day after my wild night with the girls. My locks had been twisted at a great shop in Brooklyn and my color appeared copper and fresh. A vintage Balenciaga sundress clung to my curves, making my hips looks as if they sang out "Africa!" with every step that I took. A pair of simple black sandals adorned my feet, exposing the sankofa tattoo that I'd gotten on my foot during our trip to Costa Rica. I caught her staring at it while she waited for me to answer.

"How have I been? You are so ridiculous. Don't play coy with me." I thought about taking the high road and pretending to be polite and courteous. But I was mad. No, I felt insanely furious. I had some shit that I needed to get off my chest.

Jordan darted her eyes around to make sure no one else had heard me. She grabbed my arm and led me down the hallway.

"Don't embarrass me and don't embarrass yourself. If you wanna talk, we can talk but respect my new job."

New job? Michelle hadn't even told me that Jordan worked for her now. Snake.

Jordan led me into her office and locked the door. She sat down across from me and poured herself a glass of water. She folded her arms and leaned back as if she was preparing for a debate.

"So.. You wanted to talk?"

"You know you are one selfish bitch".

"Wait, we're not even gonna go down this road Jai. Act like a fucking adult. We dated. We broke up. It’s over. Just deal with it."

I reached to strike her but she moved too quickly. "Fuck you Jordan, you're a fucking coward! You didn't even have the common decency to face me. You just crept off like a fucking thief in the night. Grow some balls and stop ruining my life!"

"Well fuck you too Jaisun! You wanted to relive old memories with your ex. You disrespected me. How the hell am I supposed to forgive that? And then what did you want me to do? Hold your hand and give you a hug? Why would I stay there? Why? I knew you needed space. Just be a woman and stop acting like a love sick little girl"
I walked over and stood directly in front of Jordan. "You know what? I've just decided to hate you. How dare you. How dare you disrespect what we had together. Four years. It just meant nothing to you. I mean nothing to you."

Jordan's eyes softened. She hesitated and then she threw her arms around me. "I'm sorry Jai. I'm so sorry for hurting you." She withdrew from our embrace and wiped her eyes with the back of her hands to stop a few tears from escaping.

"Baby, Its ok. I'm just glad to have you back, I love you so much...." Jordan interrupted me by putting her finger up to my lips. She shook her head and sighed softly.

"Jaisun, I love you. But I don't go backwards. Too much has happened. And we're not the same people anymore. You like being on the scene. You're an artist. You love fun. But I'm too old to do body shots. I'm ready for something else"

"I'm ready too! Jordan, this is just what I do. It isn't who I am! The balls, the clubs, the photo shoots, and all the other flashy shit.... that's not me! That’s not who I am! The writing is me!

"Jai, come on now. Come on. We're past this. Let's just part ways as friends." Jordan opened her arms to embrace me but I stepped away from her.

"Fuck you Jordan. Fuck you for breaking my heart."

I darted out of the room and headed straight for the stairwell. Once inside, I stood in the corner and cried. I'd never felt so upset. I couldn't believe that horrible things that Jordan and I had said to each other. It took me a couple of minutes to get myself together. I put my shades on to cover my puffy eyes and walked out of the building. Once inside the car, I checked my messages. My assistant had left me a voicemail, saying that she'd found a cheap direct flight but I would have to leave tomorrow. I called to confirm and hurried home to pack. It was definitely time for a change of scenery.


To Be Continued...

© Copyright 2009 Essence M.